I’ve been told before that I need help by many people. I usually dismiss the ones from the ex-girlfriends—what do they know? I got frustrated when my supervisors would say it, and why not? You can find them right in the same group in your heart as the ex-girlfriend group. Even the hopefully future Mrs. has said something close to the same lines. Some of the braver and more forward employees have also mustered up the courage to tell their bosses that their leader is not performing as they should. In reality, three of the four groups above actually want to help and want you to succeed. Let’s admit here that your group of three might not be the same as mine.
The wall that people hit when they tell me they want to help me is me. I am a man! And by my birthright, we must place all assignments, success, failure, trials, and tributes on our shoulders and deliver time and time again. We go to the plate for our beliefs and family battered, broken and yet victorious until our dying breath feeds us our final regrets as the light goes dark.
As my heart hardens from failures, lessons learned, and deep-fried goodness, my wisdom broadens to deliver inherited phrases such as, “If you want to have it done right, you have to do it yourself!” plus, “No one wants to help, they are too busy with their own lives.”
And then there is the granddaddy of them all, the one that seals our membership in the bitter old man club faster than realizing the belt line may indeed be at the belly button: “Kids today just don’t want to work!” I remember growing up and talking to the grey-headed captains of our manhood as they did their best to dismiss our success as luck or not knowing what life is really about.
I cannot speak too deeply on the ability to incorporate lowering the shield in your personal relationships. I personally have had more success in failing in love than falling in love. Some say that knowing how to fail is just as important as knowing how to succeed so I will just give this one piece of advice: Your relationship is more than taking someone into your life. Your relationship is the power of two people committed to helping each other. If you are not willing to let your partner help, you are telling them they are not as valued in the partnership as you are.
Business is a lot less deep to discuss. We can usually take the deep feels out of the process and allow us to put our leadership hat on. I hope you are lucky enough to have a teammate come up to you and tell you that you need help. This person is not only right (we all need help) but they have the vision to see deficiencies and the fortitude to walk up to you and pull the elephant to the middle of the room. If there is anyone in the world I want to see succeed, it is that person right there.
In a way, someone saying you need help may be a great time to look at your delegation skills. This is the skill that takes some load off your shoulders while developing others to become better themselves. Your delegation skills are just as essential in team building as your ability to interview and attract talent.
After all, you can hire an all-star, but if you put them on the bench for too long, they will find a new team that can use their talents. I have written various articles that you can use to refine your skills in NOLN. Just keyword search “delegation” along with my name.
One key thing to realize about delegation is that it assigns duties to others for a task you are ultimately responsible for. Not too long ago, my house was in need of some drywall work after a hurricane. The drywall company did a very poor job of finishing the job. When I confronted the boss about the issue, he stated he had floated the wall perfectly but one of his workers over-sanded his part.
This discussion of course was well after they painted the wall for all the joint lines to show. This boss felt it was ok to place blame on the employee (to the customer) even though it was his job to make sure it was right (and his employee was trained). This led to the dismissal of the company from my house unpaid. Remember when you are talking to the guest or the one expecting the results, you delegate to grow and lessen the load. But ultimately, it's your name on that service.